the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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