I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
