Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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