I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
