She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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