so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I AM VODKA MAN
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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