We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
