I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
