Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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