all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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