he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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