i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
