i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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