My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
