I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize