I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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