Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
