I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
