I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
