dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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