he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
