she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
