The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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