all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
