I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize