I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
