He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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