Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
