**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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