I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
