my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
