Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i out mim tonsoeep
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