we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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