Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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