he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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