i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
