I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
