she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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