im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
