he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
