i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We got so high we made milksteak
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
