Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
