I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
