i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
