I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
