i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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