there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize