I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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