I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
