he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
