I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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