just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
