On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
