Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
