he told me I talked like a deaf person
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
