Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
