There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
