I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
