i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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