She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
