Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize