Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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