A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
