do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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