i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
