Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
