Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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