final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
