Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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