yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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