my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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