She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
